I'm completely drained.
I want to not be a complete hermit but it seems as though I have managed to isolate myself from just about everyone. Ok, I get it..my own fault.
Why is it that when I need people the most I am totally unable to speak up or ask for help/support?? What is up with that? That is messed up and not even in the same zip code as normal...plus it has just grown really REALLY old.
I do not want to bury every feeling and/or emotion but the process of learning to NOT do that is so overwhelmingly difficult that I'm not sure I can do it at this point. Hi, rock. Hi, hard place. And hellllo bat shit crazy.
Sometimes I am angry because I feel unappreciated (yeah, join the crowd - I know). Honestly, angry is not the right word ...its really more hurt but hurt isnt something I've allowed myself to feel for a really long time. Anger I allow, hurt I don't so much.
I figured out recently that I actually fear happiness. Ummmm WTF?!
Crikey.... no wonder I'm a mess.